How many of us have heard, "I want to finish school before I get married," or "We don't want to get married until he gets a higher paying job?" I think we've all heard comments like this from couples that have yet to get married. I want to be clear that waiting to marry isn't bad, in fact, for some it may be a good thing. I don't necessarily want people to get married a month after they marry each other too. There is a balance that may lead to a more satisfying and successful marriage. I want to talk about the two extremes of marrying to soon and then marrying too late in life.
I know of a very successful couple who have been married for fifty-five years, have six kids, several grandkids and even a few great-grand kids. This couple was engaged three days after they met each other. This shows that for some people, it does work out to get married real soon after meeting each other. However, many people get divorced because they didn't know who they were marrying. This is why it's important not to skip any of the steps leading to marriage (dating, courting, engagement, and marriage). When you date around, you start to figure out the type of person you want to be with. Courting forms a much deeper, meaningful relationship and you start to understand who that person is. During the engagement period you learn to make decisions together, furthering your understanding of who you're going to marry. These stages take time, preferably months, rather than days. When people marry too soon, they're denying themselves an opportunity to truly get to know this person they believe is their significant other. So why not wait to marry then?
Think of some milestones in your life, such as your first soccer game you won, or your baptism, or your high school graduation. Who was present for those milestones? Most likely your family. Completing milestones like these create unifying experiences. Think of how happy your parents were when you were baptized. How big were their smiles when you received your diploma? They supported you because they love you, and seeing you accomplish such things only deepen that love. Essentially, the same thing happens when your significant other is involved in later life milestones, like graduating college. If you waited to marry, you wouldn't be sharing important milestones as a married couple, unifying your relationship. Pushing off marriage to accomplish such milestones instead is also a sign of low commitment to each other. In a way, your telling your partner that you'd rather put these things before them. Those things take a higher priority over the person you're supposed to be loving. Don't put your career above your spouse. You may be setting yourself up for an unsuccessful marriage.
So, there is period in life which may lead to more benefits if you choose to get married during that time. You want to get to know your partner, which may take several months, depending on how much quality time you spend together. You also don't want to miss out on their accomplishments, nor have them miss our on yours. Not only are these experiences unifying, by being there for them, it shows you are committed to being with them. I am not saying that if you miss out on these milestones your marriage will fail. It just provides the opportunity to strengthen your relationship. There are many other things you can do to strengthen your marriage, but experiencing accomplishments together is one way.
If you happen to meet later in life, or miss other opportunities to strengthen marriage, there is an almost foolproof way to come closer together. Turn to God. If it is God's will, He will bless your marriage as you turn to Him. Look for opportunities to come closer to God as a couple, and His unifying spirit will be with you.
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