What even is dating? Why am I struggling to find someone to date? Why are so many kids in middle school and high school going around telling their friends, "Oh yeah, me and June have been dating each other for three weeks," or "Aren't Josh and Lena dating now?" Are these kids actually dating? First, I want to help answer that first question. What even is dating?
When a young teen boy finds a young teen girl he likes, he'll probably try to hold their hand or if he's gutsy he might even cuddle with her. If he's real brave he'll even work up the nerve to kiss her. Soon after, someone might ask the question, "so what are we now? Are we dating?" According to some, yes they might be dating. But where is this going to lead to? After a few weeks they might get bored of each other and move on. The boy will hold another girls hand, kiss her, "date" her for a maybe a couple months and move on to yet another girl. This is not dating! At least, not in the way it's laid out by certain therapists.
Dating in a proper way might be described by some as "playing around." A boy will find a girl, ask her out and spend quality time with her and then do the same with another girl. The next week he will do the same thing with a couple other girls. As I said, this type of dating might label a boy or girl as a player, but this allows the individual to gain experience and figure out what they want in a relationship. Eventually, this individual will find someone that they want to spend more time with and may ask them out again. After a few more dates they might move into the courtship phase. This may be what those high school teenagers are more familiar with. In the courtship phase, the boy and girl are essentially a designated couple. They hold hands in public and all that other fun stuff. However, I want to add, it is still vital to a healthy relationship to keep going on quality dates with the chosen person. Quality time is irreplaceable. As the couple's relationship builds, they might start talking more and more about engagement and marriage.
Engagement is the next and third stage of choosing to marry someone, followed soon thereafter, of course, by the fourth stage; marriage. Again, I would like to emphasis that it is still important for the couple to date. They need to go on dates with each other and spend that quality time with each other.
To help answer the second question, why am I struggling with finding someone, I would like to make known how important it is to include God with our decisions. God should not be excluded from any aspect of our life, even our dating life.
God wants to answer our prayers and wants us to be happy. So why, then, are there so many people who struggle to date or get married? God sometimes let's us make the wrong decision so that later on we will know what the right one is.
A story is told by a religious leader of how he was driving back from a hike and came to a fork in the road. After praying to know which fork to take, he felt he should take the right one. It was a dead end. He turned around and took the left road which of course, was the correct road that led him home. Why had God let him go down the right road? The church leader would know, for a certainty, that the other road was the one that would lead him home. The same principle sometimes applies with dating. We will date around and think we found the perfect girl or the most handsome man, only to realize after a few weeks, or months, or even years that they are not the correct one to marry. God will help guide you to a person that will work with you. I am not saying there is one specific person for you to be guided to, but that God will help you make someone work if He sees fit.
Dating in the way of going on dates with multiple girls will help you find someone who will work out and may even help you find that someone faster. There is security in not getting too close until you feel you are right for each other. Once you do find someone who is willing to work with you, don't stop going on dates. Keep having experiences with each other, whether they're boring or exciting, and trust that God will help you in your journey.
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