What Happens When We Assume Things in Relationships... Not a Whole Lot of Good

    How many of us have assumed things before? I'm pretty sure all us have and I'm equally sure that most of us can finish the saying about assuming and what it does to both parties involved. It doesn't usually end up good depending on the situation, especially in relationships. There are too many issues that can arise from simply thinking you know everything about your partner and what they're thinking. 

    Let me provide a couple of examples of how assuming things in a relationship can turns things bad too soon. 

    A boy, let's call him Kevin, really likes this girl. Let's call her Izzy. After a few days of talking Kevin finally gets up the nerve to ask Izzy on a date. When she says yes, Kevin's brain starts to churn. His hopes start to rise. Maybe she does like him. He gets her number and later that night he texts her. She responds! His hopes get even higher. On the date Izzy laughs a little at his weird jokes and maintains eye contact when she is talking to him. Looking in her eyes, Kevin is sure she likes him. See where this might be going? Later during the date he is walking her home and tries grabbing her hand, which she pulls away, leading to an awkward conversation where Izzy essentially friend-zones Kevin. At least she wants to get to know him better. Notice what happened when Kevin made an assumption about Izzy liking him. He thought she liked him though she was just doing nice, normal things. This certain situation is simple, but it gets a certain point across. While it might be helpful to look for signs of attraction, assuming things can complicate things. 

    Another example, perhaps a little more serious involves a married couple. Let's call them Nick and Katrina. For most of the first year of their marriage they were relatively happy and argument free. Just a few weeks before their anniversary Nick started coming home from work later and always seemed to be smiling at the texts sent to him by someone, but Katrina didn't want to be nosy and ask who Nick was talking to. After a couple of weeks of  this they were watching a movie, Nick's phone dinged, he looked at it and a grin grew onto his face. Katrina, who had had enough of this, asked who had texted him. Nick hastily put his phone down and said it was just a friend. Katrina asked what their name was and if she knew them. Nick said their name was Bella (It was a woman's name!) and that Katrina didn't know her. Katrina assumed the worse and started to get frustrated and extremely concerned. She began to pester Nick and an argument ensued. Katrina didn't give Nick a chance to explain himself until she had yelled at him and tensions were high. Finally Nick blurted out that he was planning her an anniversary gift. He had wanted to surprise her with a thoughtful gift and had been working with an artist named Bella who had been sending him updates of the gift she was working on for Izzy. Katrina felt horrible but they were able to talk it out. Nick could trust that Katrina really did love him and was loyal to him and Izzy trusted that Nick loved her too and was thoughtful with that love. 

    These two examples describe a form of symbolic interaction, a theory about the family and issues that might arise from not getting the full or proper perspective of the other parties involved. A key to avoiding situations like these is communication. Give it time and talk it out. Be understanding and open minded. Don't automatically assume the worse if you think you recognize a problem in your relationship. Of course there should be nothing wrong with asking questions and being concerned, but starting to interrogate your partner thinking that you know they are in the wrong will most likely create tension right off the bat. Trust and communication should be integrated into a relationship, whether budding or established, and will decrease assumptions in that relationship, thus strengthening the partnership and unity of both partners.