The Family

 I understand how much struggle a family goes through. I have been very blessed with a good family; loving parents and caring siblings. I have many wonderful memories with each family member and with the family as a whole.

However, we have not been spared from family struggles, especially the pains of divorce. After 6 years, one of my siblings is still fighting through the residual effects of divorce and child custody ordeals. After remarrying, my sibling is now an active and involved parent of a "blended family." While being part of a blended family might lead to more difficulties in the family life, are there any benefits to a blended family? Or rather, what good can come from remarrying and joining families together? What can be done to help ease the struggles that naturally come from blended families?

One benefit for joining multiple families together is the amount of loving adults in child's life. Instead of having the typical 4 grandparents, the child(ren) now have 6 caring grandparents. The amount of aunts and uncles and cousins increase. Though they may not be blood-related, they can still be considered family and learn to love the child(ren) that are especially hurting because of the divorce their parents went through.

Of course, this only makes a difference to the child(ren) if the adults have the right attitude and mindset. One of the most important things to remember, for any marriage not just blended families, is that your mindset and way you think can affect the outcome. If I tell myself my marriage is lame, then it will be lame. If I tell myself that my marriage is wonderful, then it will be wonderful. This applies to any part of our life, but family is a huge part of life. If we remarry and are struggling with connecting with our non-biological kids, it will help to change the way we talk and think about them. Instead of acting like a connected parent, try taking on the role of a cool aunt or uncle. Don't be so controlling, but be a somewhat influential and caring adult in their life. It also helps to be patient. Consciously work on being patient. Don't get upset or agitated if things don't seem "normal" after marriage. It usually takes about two years for things to return to a sort of "normalcy" after the remarriage. This allows for everyone to experience two Christmases, two birthdays for each person, two of everything together. So, don't be afraid or impatient if things aren't feeling normal after a few months. Things won't ever be the same, of course, but with the right mindset, things can even be better than what they once were for both families involved.

I hope that families, especially those that are struggling with divorce, can recognize the blessings that come from the family. Studies show that 70% of divorced people said they could have and should have saved their marriage. We all go through struggles both as individuals and as whole families. I hope that couples and families can realize their strength to save their marriage. There are the exceptions when abuse is involved, in which I recommend taking necessary and immediate action, but for those who simply think they've "fallen out of love," or their spouse is "just lazy," I would invite you to think again. You loved them at some point. You saw them work hard during one period of time. What can you do to love them again? Can you do something to help them get back to work? Talk to them. Perhaps they are fighting unknown depression and don't want you to worry. The point is, there are things we can do to better understand our partners and there is always something we can do to try to save our marriage. Communication is, obviously, a key to success. Empathy needs to be a constant in marriage. Even going on weekly dates can help contribute to a successful marriage. In fact, going on frequent dates with your spouse could be considered vital.

I know marriage is supported by God. Turn to Him during the good and bad times of your marriage. Pray for your spouse and kids. If it is God's will (and it most likely is) your marriage will be successful and joy filled. If divorce is necessary, trust Him, and know that He will lead you to a better marriage and family if you so choose.

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-a-blended-family#:~:text=Blended%20families%20provide%20children%20with,to%20teach%20and%20nurture%20children.